I hope tonight is your last night suffering. I can’t stand to hear you struggling to breath. I can’t stand to watch your once vibrant color fade to grey. I can’t stand grabbing for your warm loving hands…but catching cold frail lifeless ones. I can’t stand the thought of losing the most important person in my life.

This makes every heartbreak feel like a splinter in my finger. This makes all betrayal feel like a joke I just didn’t understand. This makes all the horrible things happening all around the world feel like simply an annoyance in comparison to this.

I hate all moments in the past when I was angry with you. I hate the cruel words I spewed your way. All you ever did was love me unconditionally… why did I feel the need to test that so often?

I’m sorry Mommy, for not always being easy to love. And thank you Mommy for always choosing to love me through it.

Without your love, I would have never learned how to truly love myself.

I love you Mom. I will miss you everyday until the end of time. You are the best.

Please rest easy, and please don’t be afraid to let go of that painfully sick body holding you back. You were meant for more.

Happy birthday

itsgood4you:

Is anyone else like irrationally terrified that their parents are going to die someday? Like it’s obviously going to happen… but the anticipation… the unknown. It’s too much.

I’m sitting here on a family weekend trip… everyone’s asleep and I’m just silently sobbing because I can’t imagine a world without my mom and dad. I can’t imagine living without them. I just can’t.

Holy shit this was like just under a year ago and now my mom has terminal cancer 😱

Life fucking sucks sometimes

My mother is dying

I’m fine

Until it’s night time.

Until I see others moving forward while I stay cemented in place.

Until I realize I haven’t been touched in months.

Until I have no one to talk to.

Wish I could send you these…. I believe you would be proud of me

itsgood4you:

I don’t feel good!!!!

And I need someone to care

trntcrimm:

This song is how I feel.

It feels like a movie… or a mixture or reality and make believe.

Not good… but ok.

aaaangel444:

Photo By Ann E. Zelle 1986

happyheidi:

Photo by Azad Balabanian

Is anyone else like irrationally terrified that their parents are going to die someday? Like it’s obviously going to happen… but the anticipation… the unknown. It’s too much.

I’m sitting here on a family weekend trip… everyone’s asleep and I’m just silently sobbing because I can’t imagine a world without my mom and dad. I can’t imagine living without them. I just can’t.